Dear Lilies,
“Tell me where you want me to go and I will go there, may every fiber of my being unite in reverence to your name.” Psalm 86:11 [Living Bible]
Fact 1: Three hours ago I gave a speech in my speech class on “Ways to Save” with one of my main points being to “Skip Starbucks” due to their immensely overpriced coffee and to highlight just how much we actually spend on coffee.
Fact 2: I have always had some sort of weird complex about people “reading” or “studying” their bibles in Starbucks. I pretty much vowed I would never be “that person”. I know! Sometimes I really scare myself. I sound sacrilegious to even say it, but hey, I’m pretty transparent here.
Fact 3: It’s 2:42pm and here I sit, in Starbucks, drinking a piping hot overpriced drink with my poor worn out Bible open and papers scattered. Eternal Grounds was closed (because it’s Monday even though I was convinced it was Wednesday and practically tried to pry open the door).
Fact 4: I am a hypocrite.
Hypocrite. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot, mostly in disparaging, derogatory jabs. But what does it actually mean?
Hypocrite (n.) “a person who claims or pretends to have certain beliefs about what is right but who behaves in a way that disagrees with those beliefs” (Merriam-Webster)
The most common context that you may have heard someone call a person a hypocrite is the usual “Christian” who “isn’t acting like a Christian”. You know, church on Sundays, plastered on Fridays… Instagram lookin’ like “Oh..my… can you believe her?”
Why do we call THEM hypocrites? If they call themselves a Christian, that title comes with some weight, people expect, you know, you not to be looking like everyone else. And it’s true, Christ calls us not to conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). We know this, so when we SEE Christians blatantly disregarding Christ’s command, we love to make it known. Their plights are in plain sight. Their sins are not secret. We can easily point and say “Gosh, what a hypocrite!”
But what about the girl who seemingly has it “all together”? She never does anything “bad”, she is a “good Church girl” surely SHE is not a hypocrite? Oh, my, if we ever could be so flat out wrong.
We have ALL sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. (Romans 3:23)
There is none righteous, no not one. (Romans 3:10)
But thanks be to Christ Jesus for his great Grace that while we were YET sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
You see, once we believe and are born again, we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). The old has gone away and the new is here. But, that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle. That doesn’t mean life will now be perfect. If that were the case, I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading this. We are called to be Christ-like-ones, and we strive daily to be more like him. But what about when we “mess-up”? What about when we do, say or think things that are TOTALLY CONTRARY to what we profess? What does that make us? Yes, dear ones, a very blessed and beloved hypocrite. We are claiming to believe one thing, and acting in a way that in no way shape or form reflects that claim.
Brace yourselves: I’m about to get personal. (Don’t panic it’s not weird, chill.)
For the last several weeks, wait maybe every since week 1 of Dear Lilies and even before I started writing and you all graciously started reading, I have felt like a down right blazing-rank-hypocrite.
Yes, you see, I do not want you all to think for ONE SPLIT SECOND that I am just livin’ in Candyland floating on clouds and radiating rainbows.
Heck to the no.
I know I said in my “About” section on the site that once I got through the “muck and mire of my eating disorder”… well, I got NEWS for ya. It’s still mucky. It’s still muggy. Yes, I have come a long way, but I’m still in the swamp. Anxiety, depression, ED's, they are for real, folks. But you know what? I’m not stuck, because I have an eternal HELP Hotline that is never busy and never fails me. Even when I fail. He never fails. His love never ends. His Love, is Relentless.
The picture David paints for us in Psalm 18:4-5 has never felt more real, but neither has verse 6.
“(4) The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. (5) The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. (6) In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.” Psalm 18: 4-6
Maybe you are feeling like you’re a hypocrite. Maybe you have never had a better period in your life. Rest in this, “he does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so GREAT is his love for those who fear him.” (Psalm 103:10-11)
That means you, dear Lilies. He loves you.
In His Love,
Sarah